What I live for...

Every time I think about it I start to feel all ticklish inside and I can't help but to smile. It's been a while since something could make me feel like that; it helps me to realize that it's not fortune or fame I live for. It's those ticklish moments that make life enjoyable.


Gotta love Google!

My mother has never had much luck with men, unless of course it's bad luck. Apparently, my sisters are not much better and finding her a date, but they have both tried. Raquel matched mom up with what I like to call a pathological liar on the verge of child molestation. Mindy managed to top Raquel by matching mom up with an attempted murder who tried to kill his wife when she tried to divorce him. He spent three years in a mental institute. My sister's manager discovered this when she Googled his name. He mentioned his stay at the institute during their date but forgot to mention the part where he tried to slice his wife up. It's obvious neither of them have good judgment of character; and I am not even going to try.

On a less serious note, I found this picture on my friend's myspace page and thought it was absolutely hilarious.

Ha Ha HA!


My new portfolio slide...

A lesson I have learned...

I discovered a harsh reality when posting about my personal life, my random thoughts, and my experiences online. Someone is going to get offended. I never meant to offend anyone, but I don't like being told to remove my content because someone found it offensive. If you don't like what I have to say then stop reading. To that particular someone who I am speaking to, and you know who you are, I was very careful to keep your business your business. Yes, I referenced to something you want to keep personal, but I never posted a name. The only reader who knew who I was writing about was you. If I were to post something revealing about myself, my sister, my mother, or my friend it would have been ok for you. It's when it hits a little too close to home that you get offended. Just keep in mind that I was not being judgmental, I never said it was bad, and I never said it was wrong. I was simply pointing out odd occurrences. If I were to cut out everything that I thought could be offensive to someone I would have nothing to write about. So, like I said, if you find my content offensive don't read it. I will maintain a certain level of privacy for those around me if you can respect my freedom to write what is on my mind.


If I were from Australia I might say WTF, mate?

I got this quite unexpected bill from my lawyer the other day stating I had a past due balance for over eight hundred bucks. I am still trying to understand where that came from as the last statement I received from her said she still owed me eighty-three bucks. I suppose I should call her and set up an arrangement. Since I have headed down divorce avenue I feel it necessary to throw in that my ex-husband has claimed my son on his taxes this year when it was our agreement that I would claim him. This has caused a ton of problems for me and possibly costed me my three thousand dollar tax return. Almost seven thousand dollars later and I thought I was free of that man! I should have saved the seven grand and hired a hit man. What was I thinking?

Of course...

You, of course, were never a typical, oxygen breathing, sleep needing, mortal like myself but a jaw dropping, super powered, perfect god born from the thunderbolts of Zeus himself...

What else was I expecting?


It's a crisis!

As I mentioned previously we got a new washer and dryer, even though the old ones were not broken. Funny thing is the new washer is. We can't get it to function properly and the repair man wont be here till Wednesday. This creates mayhem on a major scale in my way of life as I have no clean laundry. For the next few days I will stink, so coworkers beware.
On a less dramatic note, I did get to press the shutter button of a Cannon D30 and fell in love. Those things have great response compared to my Powershot. I really need to upgrade. I would really love to own a D5, maybe I will finally sell my kid to Justin in exchange for one of those. That would be a more than fair trade since the D5 can't talk back. Below is one of many awesome shots I got from Sunday's session.

Pretty girl...
Copyright T. Thomason 2005



My sister's philosophy, "Boobs rule the world." It's far too obvious she has no relation to Aristotle but on the off chance she is right then I will have to accept my position would be powerless, as I an boobless (is that even a word?).


Life has been busy, crazy, and a bit intoxicating lately. It has been almost impossible to reserve a few minutes out of my day to post a new blog or even organize my thoughts and find some inspiration so I give up. If your not the kind of person who can't process unrelated, unorganized, and useless information I suggest you stop reading now. If my brain clutter is ok with you then continue below to a list of random thoughts stuck inside my brain. Sadly, the majority of my thoughts must be censored as they pertain to many sensitive situations that are not yet behind me, but don’t worry, once it’s all dust in my trail I will be sure to leave an ungodly long post.

1) Bill Clinton is coming to Colorado in June to give a speech at the unveiling of the Columbine memorial. I hope to go and get a couple photos of the former President (aka king of blowjobs). A.J. wants to come so he can ask how Monica is doing. Remind me to have him detained.

2) Why on earth did I think it was necessary to show my mole to a stripper? Like she cared.

3) How long will I sit here and rot? I guess what I am trying to say is.... I have no ideal, forget it.

4) With all the money I paid out to my divorce lawyer I could have hired a hit man to take Ken out AND get a boob job. If only I had known that before.

5) We got a new washer and dryer, now I am afraid I will never have any clean laundry. I can't figure out how to work the damn things. What was wrong with our old washer and dryer? They worked just fine so why replace them? I know my mom secretly did that just to mess with me; she can be evil like that.

6) I get to photograph a naked food fight this weekend; I wonder if there will be dessert.


Lets talk about holes baby!

My sister has a knack for putting holes in walls. Just the other day she was "wrestling" with her husband in their bedroom and her massive ka-dunk-a-dunk created a perfect crease through the sheet rock and plaster. My sister's bedroom antics reminded me of an incident that occurred quite some time ago when I was but a wee child.
Anyone who knows me well knows I grew up with a very abusive stepfather; he was the kind of asshole Satin used as a portal between this world and hell. One afternoon he discovered a foot sized hole hidden cleverly behind a poster (wasn't so clever, who hangs a poster two feet from the floor?). In a furry of rage he reached for the nearest vulnerable child which happened to be Mindy. Mindy had the uncanny ability to always be in his way at the wrong time, which might be why she is the toughest of us three. Anyways, He lifted all 50 pounds of her body off the floor with one hand and slammed her into the wall with so much force it caved in to a perfect back shaped dent. Most of you would expect the outcome of this particular moment to become ugly but in fact, laughter fixes everything. Mindy was not surprised the wall caved in, and it must not have hurt because the only thing she could do was burst out in laughter. Her laughter quickly became contagious and my ex-stepfather must have realized how absurd the whole situation had become. Next thing I know he is laughing harder than Mindy. All this talk about holes reminds me of the black hole of doom. Anyone who has had the pleasure of viewing a really cheap porn magazine knows what I am talking about. The black hole of doom is when the photographer does a tight crop of the girl’s vagina, legs spread wide open, and you see nothing but a big black hole sucking you in. I have recently agreed to venture into the porn industry as a photographer and have decided that I will not pollute the porn industry with black holes of doom. I would rather put razor blades in my tampax.



Celebrating a victory, a birthday, yet mourning the world's worst luck...

Twenty-two years ago, to this day, I was ripped from that rather comfy water bed I love to call my mother's uterus and thrust into a rather cold, almost unbearable, world. I like to picture God standing over my mother and father that day with a devious grin on his face wondering what cruel joke he could play on all of us, next thing I know I am cursed with the world worst luck. It's true, let me give you an example. Last year on my twenty-first birthday I lost my Identification. The whole year went down hill from there. It made me wonder if twenty-one is just an unlucky number for me. That suspicion was confirmed when I got my first, then second speeding ticket during my twenty-first year going twenty-one miles over the speed limit. I am glad to ring in my twenty-second birthday and wash away some of that bad luck, however, I awoke to the sound of raindrops on my window. As much as I love the smell of rain I was really hoping it would be warm enough for me to stumble home drunk after my party tonight, looks like I will have to hitch a ride. But you know what they say, April showers bring May flowers, and May brings the celebration of my sister Mindy's twenty-first birthday. I hope it is a much better year for her than it was for me.
Today I feel most inclined to celebrate another big event. To the rest of you it may seem small and silly but for me this is a milestone. Today is the first day in as long as I can remember (several years) that I have conquered the task of finishing all the laundry. When I say finish I mean really actually finished. It's not sitting in the dryer or on my pool table which also doubles as a laundry table. I actually managed to fold it and put it away! I have never seen my closet so full of clean clothes. This is a huge victory for me, the laundry battle has finally ended for me, for a few days at least.
I look forward to my birthday celebration tonight with lots of good friends, a beautiful cake decorated by my mother (aka the cake master), and we can't forget the booze. Oh the booze. What more could a girl ask for (aside from a winning lottery ticket, the world's perfect man, and a nice rack)?


Inside out, upside down, backwards, and all fucked up!

Something is really going wrong here. ******** are ****** *********, right ****** ************ *** ******* are ****** *****, my broke ass is paying child support to an ex-husband who can afford to go to Europe for a week, toddlers are developing internet addictions, and very important conversations are completely forgotten. Next thing I know I'll look down and discover I have grown a penis. God help us all.

Note: Portions of this post have been censored..... Unfortunately...... Yeah, I know, I thought this was America too where you can say, think, feel, and react how you would like. I was wrong.

When masturbation looses its fun...

I sometimes get this paranoid feeling that men are masturbating while talking on the phone with me late at night. Am I just crazy or does this actually happen?


April Fools!

Looking foolish does the spirit good. -- John Updike

When you look foolish it does my spirirt good. -- The Weenit