I really suck at life, at least that is the general census. Ask Mr. Lee, he will tell you I suck so much I am not even worthy of waiting tables in Denver's trashiest bar. In fact, he thought I was so bad at it he even fired me. Ok, lets get real. I may have mixed up a couple of orders, mistakenly called a few bull dykes gentlemen, and doused one customer in a kamikaze, but does that really mean I suck? Maybe it wasn't any of those things that got me fired. Maybe it was because Mr. Lee overheard me talking to Jeremy about dubbies, maybe it was because I spent too much time smearing Gavin's limbs across the restaurant. Oh well, not like I liked that job anyways, and no I am not bitter. But I do have a few last words for everyone there.

To Mr. Lee: I never paid for my hot chocolate, my hash browns, or my eggs. Oh yeah, I am keeping my apron so suck it.

To Christina: Don't bring infants into smoky bars! Also, you're not very friendly, I suggest asking Mr. Lee to pull that enema out of your ass. It might help to relieve some tension.

To Constantine: Try just for once to be on time, and stop waxing your head. Shiny bald craniums are not sexy.

To Jeremy: Keep hot boxing it, just don't let Mr. Lee find out. We all know he has a very strict anti-drug policy.

To Gavin: I know you will mourn for your unrequited love but just remember; I don't do hippies.

No, I’m not bitter!

Weenit's quote for the day...

This came from the lovely Miss Merideth Pryor...

"Charlie Brown, you rock my world!"

When birds have diarrhea...

Lately, it seems, my car is the victim of many hit and runs, and in last night's case, hit and fly. Never before in my life have I seen one car covered in so much bird crap! Never in my life have I seen a whole parking lot of cars covered in as much bird crap as mine. I want to find the fucker who feed those birds laxatives and make him lick their crap off my windshield. And for the asshole who did a hit and run on my bumper: if I ever find you, well, lets just say your testicles will become this year's Christmas tree ornament.


A very special day!

Today is a very special day. I know you are all thinking, "of course it is Weenit, it's Memorial Day!" Ha, you are so very wrong. It is also my dear sister Mindy's birthday. More exciting, it's her twenty-first birthday! Since it's the big one I have a particular goal in mind; I must get her so drunk she vomits last weeks breakfast! After all, it is tradition.


I love this town!

I live in the best city in the world. Really, no other town can crack up to Denver. Here is my supporting evidence...

1) Free live entertainment, even on the bus. Sure, it may be some homeless guy who pees on himself but he sure knows how to rock out.

2) Liquor store on every corner.

3) Bar on every corner.

4) If your not of age there is a crack dealer on every corner.

5) Hippies (need I say more?)

6) Pride fest, Beer fest, October fest (basically a million different events revolving around drinking).

7) Cheesman park...

8) Elitches...

9) Sing Sing...

10) And don't forget about Colfax!

Yep, I love this town...


Weenit's quotes for the day...

You must be feeling very special. I have not one, but two, yes two, quotes today!

"If all else fails, at least you still have your vagina!"

"I wish I could get an emo kid to cut my lawn as well as they cut their wrists."


I admit...

A few things I must admit...

When my son told me Jesus loves him I responded with, "Until you date a boy or masturbate for the first time."

I am a Democrat but I read a Republican blog almost daily (It took me some time to realize it was a Republican blog).

I only watched Stripper Aerobics because I was hoping to see Carmen Electra's boobs (I never got to see her boobs and I discovered I would not make a very good stripper).

I am afraid of the dark (But I can't sleep with a light on).

I am obsessed with Paris Hilton (I hope it's just a phase).


release of anger....

It really was a great dream, horrific, but great. I just remember unleashing my fists of furry upon his chest with no inhibitions. Although I never really got to give him the smack down just dreaming about it was enough to undo all of my tension. I wish I had more dreams like this...


Just when you think everything is going swell...

I woke up yesterday morning to a text message from one of my best friends. I had not heard from her in a while so I was quite pleased until I read the message. Her ovarian cyst had burst. If you know anything about ovarian cysts you know they have a high chance of being cancerous. As long as they don't burst you are ok but once they do, well, you had better find religion. Her doctors say there is a ninety-five percent chance her cysts is cancerous, they want to do a full hysterectomy. I can't imagine the pain and disappointment she must be feeling. Aside from suffering the monumental pain she is in she must now face the fact that she will never be able to have children. I know this breaks her heart, as she is one of those people who were born to be a mother. All she has wanted for a long time is to have a dozen of her own little rugrats running around; she would have been great at the job as well. It makes me sad to know that God has given the gift of children to people like me and ripped that right away from people like her. Not only has her ability to have children been taken but also her youth. Once she has the hysterectomy she will go into menopause. No twenty-one year old girl should have to suffer menopause, or a good chance of cancer flowing through her body. I can only hold her hand and hope she makes it through this. I don't want to find myself in the same position my mother was in a year ago as she stood next to her best friend’s grave with tears in her eyes as she turned to me and said, "It's not supposed to be this way, she was my best friend." I don't ever want to know exactly how my mother felt that day.

New beginnings, complete!

It's official. I am now a city girl. Goodbye suburbia. I love my new apartment, I love my new home, and I really love my new job. Sometimes living alone gets a bit lonely, but I will get used to it, I mean, how difficult can it possibly be to have your own space? The funny truth is I remember being a little girl and imagining the day I would live alone. I remember thinking how scared I would be, but it's not scary at all. It also helps that I now live in the best city in the world and my new apartment is only blocks away from many of my favorite places. I'm so close to work I can walk there in less time than it takes to blow my nose. Now I think it's time I get a dog so I have a good reason to walk around town in the middle of the day, the company would also help me from loosing my mind.


New beginnings, now entering phase two...

New beginnings phase one:

Move an unbelievable amount of Eva's crap out of the apartment

New beginnings phase two:

Move a pathetic amount of my own furnishings and junk into the apartment.

New beginnings phase three:

Unpack everything.

New beginnings phase four:

Finally enjoy the peace and quiet of having my own place.

Now if only I could get past phase two...


New beginings

Come Monday I will be standing in a whole different world. I will be working at a new job and living in my own little apartment across town from the suburban home I have spent the last eleven years growing comfortable in. I hope the big city does not squash me like that spider who invaded my space this afternoon. That would not be good.

help me out here...

I am trying to decide if I like this pic...

or this pic better...

The Weenit's quote for the day...

If you push my buttons just the right way something will snap back. I'm sorry to say the poor sap who got this one probably didn't deserve it.

"Keep holding your nose up in the air so you don't have to smell your own stench."

Mer baby, this one is for you...

If there were a handbook on kissing the number one rule in that handbook would be that kissing and excessive amounts of alcohol don't mix. I think this may also be the one rule people would break the most because, of course, what fun would it be to get drunk if you cant swap spit with your bar neighbor. But really, have you ever been to that point of drunkenness where the world spins if you close your eyes? And what is the most important thing for you to do when kissing? That’s right, you close your eyes. So imagine yourself kissing someone and suddenly thinking, "I need to stop kissing you, I am going to vomit." It's definitely a though you want to keep to yourself because your partner might take it the wrong way. You could always open your eyes, but that is not a very pleasant view to have when locking lips, and what if the other person opens their eyes as well? Then you’re stuck in an incredibly awkward moment as though you have just been caught peaking through the keyhole. We are all better off staying inhibited when we're inebriated. What am I lecturing about? If this were against the law I'd be serving life without parole.