Lately, it seems, my car is the victim of many hit and runs, and in last night's case, hit and fly. Never before in my life have I seen one car covered in so much bird crap! Never in my life have I seen a whole parking lot of cars covered in as much bird crap as mine. I want to find the fucker who feed those birds laxatives and make him lick their crap off my windshield. And for the asshole who did a hit and run on my bumper: if I ever find you, well, lets just say your testicles will become this year's Christmas tree ornament.