When birds have diarrhea...

Lately, it seems, my car is the victim of many hit and runs, and in last night's case, hit and fly. Never before in my life have I seen one car covered in so much bird crap! Never in my life have I seen a whole parking lot of cars covered in as much bird crap as mine. I want to find the fucker who feed those birds laxatives and make him lick their crap off my windshield. And for the asshole who did a hit and run on my bumper: if I ever find you, well, lets just say your testicles will become this year's Christmas tree ornament.