2/22/2007

Goodbye Colorado...

I could say I'm going to miss home, but I'd be lying. Ocean level, here I come! I'll see you all in a week!

2/21/2007

I hate it when that happens...

I just had the most peculiar conversation with my four year old tonight as we were discussing where babies come from. In some random and very bizarre twist of things my son asked me if his Uncle Dan came from the same place as he did. After careful consideration I informed him that yes, he indeed did come from a woman's belly, just not mine. Then my son looked me dead in the eye with a furrowed brow that could only mean one thing; what he was about to say was of such importance that Bush should send out a national memo. He then opened his so very sweet and innocent mouth and said, "Mommy, Uncle Dan really pisses me off!" It was completely impossible to do the right thing and inform my son that his uncle did not piss him off but made him angry. Instead, I asked why like any good Christian woman who drinks bourbon would. Apparently, my son does not like to be called a "foo", as in "What's up foo?" And he didn't waste a second before demanding I march myself downstairs to tell Dan how much he really pisses him off. i guess that's what a parent gets now adawys for talking about the birds and the bees. Our children have much more important things to worry about with Brittney Spears shaving all her hair off and Lindsay Lohan ending up in rehab anyways. Besides, they implemented sex education in public schools for a reason...

When it hurts to wear clothes...

There is so much I have to say, and sadly my mind is saturated in a disgusting amount of steroids and pain killers that make it close to impossible to formulate a comprehensive thought. Either way I am glad that after the week of hospital food and roommates with dementia I am so very much looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow, of course, means California. And California means beaches, sand, sleeping all day, drinking margaritas, and of course Justin and racing. it should be tons of fun as long as I can manage to fit my fat ass into a bikini. Unfortunately, the steroids that are letting me breathe also have two major side effects; fat and pain. I can't seem to stop eating, and though everyone says it looks good on me I would have to say only chipmunks look cute with cheeks this fluffy. Also, it's close to unbearable when wearing underwear hurts. I can't imagine what would ever posses anyone to take steroids on their own accord. It's kind of like watching soap operas, you are only hurting yourself slowly...

2/20/2007

weenit's quote of the day...

A friend: "I would hate to be attacked by a dead animal again!"

Me: "So, you have been attacked by a dead animal!?"

2/11/2007

The first week of March...

Is probably going to be very busy for me. If all works out well I will be moving into my new house (very exciting), I will be starting my new job making twice what I make now, and I will be helping a friend move out of state. I am wondering how I will have time for all of this. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, and this is all putting aside that the week before I will be in California and one of my very best friends moved home last night from Missouri so I'll be spending some time with her before she moves off to Missouri again in a month.

2/10/2007

Why they say I might be mildly retarded...

Employee: Holds cell phone up to me and tries to take a picture. When he discovers I moved and the picture cme out blurry he says, "You moved! What a waste of film!"

Me: "It's a camera phone, there is no film."

Employee: "So you know that but you can't remember where you live."

Me; "I know where I live."

Employee, "What about that one time."

Me; "Ok, but it was just that one time."

2/07/2007

It was all a lie, and other disturbing tales of my week...

Sadly, I did not get my fifteen seconds of fame. That's right, I guess channel nine realized how boring it really would have been to watch me make pizza at work so they never came. Unless they told some outrages tale of me putting boggers in the pizza (don't ya wish you knew how outrageous that claim really is?) they would have had two minutes of very pathetic view counts. That's ok, I slept like ass the night before, and looked like ass the next day, so I'm feeling ok about it all. Now if I could only get past my sister's husband seeing me naked...

2/03/2007

See me on TV!

For some reason channel nine news thinks it would be super amazing to come watch me working tomorrow, unfortunately, it's not at my fun job photographing naked girls. So if you want to see me and all my killer pizza tossing moves tune in tomorrow on channel nine news; if you don't get it you might be able to find it on 9news.com, or at least Dave says so. Now to figure out what I will wear... Oh right, an apron.

2/01/2007

Some people never change...

It's true. You proved that more than ever today. Your insides are still cold, miserable, and unwilling to accept that some people just need a warm smile and a few sweet words to be happy. And just because that is all it takes to make me shine does not mean I reserve in silly fantasies. If you could ever grow to really care about someone, even if they were not perfect, maybe you could understand how I can do the same, how I am willing to take a chance on a warm smile and a few sweet words. After all, I did it with you. And though some people never change. some do, It's no longer beer and blow jobs, hasn't been for a very long time. But I can't think of any good reason you deserve an explanation as to why, you were not there for any of it, you're passing judgment on something you know very little about.

And maybe you misunderstood me when I said I wanted to stick to my own agenda. What I meant by that was simply this: I have spent so many years of my life, from the time I was married right through the time I spent with you, making someone else happy. For once in my life I'm being that person you always thought I should be, independent, strong, and everything I do is of my own will. I finally have time to achieve all the things I want to, I have made some beautiful art that has come to be appreciated by more than myself, created a cozy home for myself by myself, raised a happy puppy, and I did them all on my own agenda, I would like to keep it that way because for once I am accomplishing so many things. And if I let myself spend a week away with someone who makes me smile, I see no harm in it. After all, I deserve to smile, don't I?

Especially after the Mulluscum Contagiosum. But you know what, you are right, I deserve to find some one who cares for me and respects me enough to own up to it when he gets a skin infection that's transmitted to the genital area by skin on skin contact to another persons infected genitals, instead of trying to blame it on me (and then accusing my doctor of knowing nothing when she says I don't have it). Hey, did you know Mulluscum Contagiosum is most common in warm climates of the world? So I am willing to bet you really enjoyed that last trip to Brazil, or it could have been Vegas? Either way, it makes me wonder what easy piece of rug you got that from, and you think you have the right to question my celibacy? Just remember that next time you want to talk about respect.