Some people never change...

It's true. You proved that more than ever today. Your insides are still cold, miserable, and unwilling to accept that some people just need a warm smile and a few sweet words to be happy. And just because that is all it takes to make me shine does not mean I reserve in silly fantasies. If you could ever grow to really care about someone, even if they were not perfect, maybe you could understand how I can do the same, how I am willing to take a chance on a warm smile and a few sweet words. After all, I did it with you. And though some people never change. some do, It's no longer beer and blow jobs, hasn't been for a very long time. But I can't think of any good reason you deserve an explanation as to why, you were not there for any of it, you're passing judgment on something you know very little about.

And maybe you misunderstood me when I said I wanted to stick to my own agenda. What I meant by that was simply this: I have spent so many years of my life, from the time I was married right through the time I spent with you, making someone else happy. For once in my life I'm being that person you always thought I should be, independent, strong, and everything I do is of my own will. I finally have time to achieve all the things I want to, I have made some beautiful art that has come to be appreciated by more than myself, created a cozy home for myself by myself, raised a happy puppy, and I did them all on my own agenda, I would like to keep it that way because for once I am accomplishing so many things. And if I let myself spend a week away with someone who makes me smile, I see no harm in it. After all, I deserve to smile, don't I?

Especially after the Mulluscum Contagiosum. But you know what, you are right, I deserve to find some one who cares for me and respects me enough to own up to it when he gets a skin infection that's transmitted to the genital area by skin on skin contact to another persons infected genitals, instead of trying to blame it on me (and then accusing my doctor of knowing nothing when she says I don't have it). Hey, did you know Mulluscum Contagiosum is most common in warm climates of the world? So I am willing to bet you really enjoyed that last trip to Brazil, or it could have been Vegas? Either way, it makes me wonder what easy piece of rug you got that from, and you think you have the right to question my celibacy? Just remember that next time you want to talk about respect.

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