My sister has a knack for putting holes in walls. Just the other day she was "wrestling" with her husband in their bedroom and her massive ka-dunk-a-dunk created a perfect crease through the sheet rock and plaster. My sister's bedroom antics reminded me of an incident that occurred quite some time ago when I was but a wee child.
Anyone who knows me well knows I grew up with a very abusive stepfather; he was the kind of asshole Satin used as a portal between this world and hell. One afternoon he discovered a foot sized hole hidden cleverly behind a poster (wasn't so clever, who hangs a poster two feet from the floor?). In a furry of rage he reached for the nearest vulnerable child which happened to be Mindy. Mindy had the uncanny ability to always be in his way at the wrong time, which might be why she is the toughest of us three. Anyways, He lifted all 50 pounds of her body off the floor with one hand and slammed her into the wall with so much force it caved in to a perfect back shaped dent. Most of you would expect the outcome of this particular moment to become ugly but in fact, laughter fixes everything. Mindy was not surprised the wall caved in, and it must not have hurt because the only thing she could do was burst out in laughter. Her laughter quickly became contagious and my ex-stepfather must have realized how absurd the whole situation had become. Next thing I know he is laughing harder than Mindy. All this talk about holes reminds me of the black hole of doom. Anyone who has had the pleasure of viewing a really cheap porn magazine knows what I am talking about. The black hole of doom is when the photographer does a tight crop of the girl’s vagina, legs spread wide open, and you see nothing but a big black hole sucking you in. I have recently agreed to venture into the porn industry as a photographer and have decided that I will not pollute the porn industry with black holes of doom. I would rather put razor blades in my tampax.