Holiday cheer, wish you were here!

It's Christmas eve, though for me it does not quite feel like Christmas. Sure, I put up my very own Christmas tree with tinsel and all, I've downloaded a butt load of holiday music on itunes, I've had plenty of time off to relax, and I even ate part of a gingerbread house, so I'm not so sure whats missing...

Oh, right, there is a lot missing. For starters, I'd really love maybe some snow this Christmas, and what about the huge family feasts we once enjoyed? Since we have all grown up, grown out, and moved on, it's increasingly difficult to get us all together. Sure, my mom, sister, brother in law and I will probably retire the evening with a few martinis and a few movies. And sure, we will all get together tomorrow for dinner, and most likely a few more cocktails. But I remember the days when both of my sister's were there, when my grandmother would carve the turkey, and when my Aunt Cheryl and Uncle Dan ran in circles after my obnoxious younger cousins. Amongst the massive hoard of relatives we always kept a few open spaces at the table for close friends like Merideth, A.J. and Rose, who didn't need an invite or an excuse to pop in and share some holiday spirit.

And what about the tree? I may have one here at my apartment, but I won't be here, I'll be at my Mom's house. I know the last time I was there, which was only a few days ago, she did not have the tree up, and I am not so sure she has or will put it up, and even if she did the only gifts under it would be for James. None of us exchange gifts anymore, it's something none of us have the energy for. It use to be that giving a gift was a fantastic thing, but once you grow up it just becomes a headache. First, you have to go to the store and buy the damn thing, need I say more? And then second, you have to wrap it. By this point you are lucky if you have managed to find a gift that isn't totally shitty, and managed to wrap it without making it look totally shitty. Then you have to make sure to either get it in the mail on time, or in the mist of insanity not leave it at home on your way to the party. I was never good at any of those things, mostly because I hate shopping, I hate wrapping, and I am one forgetful motherfucker. So, to conclude my long winded point, I don't mind much that we don't exchange presents, plus do you know how much money we save every year?

But I do miss the large family gatherings that always brought a flush to my cheeks and a warm feeling in my stomach. I just have one holiday wish, It's the same wish I've had for a few years now. I just wish to one Christmas wake up and have a warm and loving family of my own to share those holiday spirits with. You know, a husband I love and enjoy to curl up next to on the couch as we watch the kids open presents in a cozy home warmed by the heat of the fireplace. I know I have a lot of years before I will ever see even a hope or possibility of that Christmas wish coming true. Hell, I'd be lucky if I don't die a bitter old and lonely woman, but I do like to fancy myself with the thought.

I really don't know why I feel the need to whine, I just get like this around the holidays, but truth is I know I'm lucky I have someone to spend Christmas with, while people like Bob will probably spend the day drinking themselves to oblivion and trying to forget the countless Christmas day's spent alone.

The only question now is, what movies should I watch tonight?

3rd blog of the day, and then I am done I swear...

I really need to get back to work! With out a meaningless and repetitive task to keep me busy I start to go a bit insane. Though, I did manage to have a few conversations with people from my past today, both of which I thought were a bit odd. The first was a continuation of a conversation from yesterday, but it ended suddenly. We were chatting about my new job and then his end of the line went dead, I called him back and just got voicemail. It's not a big deal really, I assume his phone went dead and he was off into the shower anyways, but still something inside me wonders if it happened on purpose. I remember a long time ago when he'd hung up on me mid-conversation because his girlfriend walked into the room. Considering our relationship now is not what it was then I'll just assume that's not the case, but I know in the back of my mind it will still be there bugging me, especially if he doesn't attempt to call back.
The second was with someone I use to see. Our relationship ended all at my fault, because I was such a mess, and I still owe him an apology. the reason it seemed odd was because I wasn't sure the reason for the conversation. We stopped talking some time ago, and since then not so much as an email. Not until today anyways. Hmmm. I don't know what to make of it, I'm sure there isn't anything to make of it, so maybe I'll just put it in a bubble and blow it away (resist the urge to psychoanalyze).

Lets talk about religion, baby...

Am I crossing a line here? Will I find religious radicals standing at my front door with protest signs? I doubt it, because if that were to happen to me it would have occurred long ago. But I do know this particular post will offend a good deal of people, mainly people very strong and defensive in their religious beliefs. So here is my disclosure: If there is any way possible you might feel the need to send me email filled with unnecessary capitalized letters telling me I may burn in hell for my beliefs or lack there of, or if you might feel the need to convert me, don't read past the dotted line.

Dotted line ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


OK great. Wait, I sense that some of you radicals are still reading. Fine then, it's your funeral...



If you have not figured it out by now, I am an Atheist. However, I am in no means a pushy one. I realize their is a possibility I may be wrong and will therefore be convicted to an eternity of purgatory. My point being, I don't assume any one religious belief is correct, I don't assume I am correct. I only choose to be an Atheist because no one religion can prove to me that a God or supreme being exist, and I relie heavily in reason, equation, and solid visible proof. I know the Christians will tell you to have faith that God exists, and I say what a bunch of crap. The Catholics try to scare the shit out of you by saying "believe or burn in hell." To bad for them scare tactics never worked well on me. And the Mormons, they try to sweeten the deal by making outrageous promise of things to come upon death, and lets just say I am a being motivated primarily by instant gratification. It's not likely you will catch me working so damned hard for something I won't see till I die.

But Catholicism, Christianity, Mormonism, and even Atheism are just a few of many beliefs out there. Recently my sister, who started as a Baptist, like myself, then became Atheist of some bizarre sort, then turned Mormon because she married one, is now considering a new faith, or should I call it a following? I think a following would be the appropriate term, considering it's not a religion, but a belief of creationism that has managed to explain the origin of religion, extra terrestrial existence, and even gave an explanation to the polytheist beliefs of the Sumerian people. This following is know as the belief of the Anunnaki. Go ahead, look it up on Wikipedia. But truth is, Wikipedia doesn't do the Anunnaki justice, so let me sum up the belief of the Anunnaki in one long sentence. Many believe the Anunnaki were an alien species who came to earth, and with their ability to bend light created man kind in their likeness to use as slaves that harvested gold, because gold just so happens to be a metal that makes them live longer lives, and earth just so happened to be full of it. So there you have it. We were created by alien beings as slaves, so why are they not around any longer whipping us and forcing us to haul loads of gold? Well, the belief goes on that eventually, the Anunnaki had an internal war because they believed enslaving us was wrong, much like the war against black slavery in America so many years ago. When I researched the Anunnaki I got a lot of interesting and bizarre information. Some people consider themselves to be mediums who can channel back to the Anunnaki and see how things played out. Other people claim to have visions of devastating wars, and mythical beings with insane powers, but most write it off as an undeveloped religious belief of the ancient times.

I find it fascinating, not to say I am a believer in any way, but I do think for those of us open minded to learning about different creation theories, and different religious views, you may want to read a little more about the Anunnaki. I suggest checking out this site, but be forewarned, the woman who wrote this site is in no way credible as she claims most of her information came through channeling by her and another psychic.

You can also read about it a bit more in detail on a site containing an article written by a leader of the Anunnaki studies, Zecharia Sitchin, on this site here. On this site they claim there is one source of DNA for all life on earth, except Humans, who harbor 223 genes that did not come from any predecessors in the genome pool, they are known as alien genomes. Believers of the Anunnaki believe this happened when the Anunnaki people mated with us, their slaves (much like slave owners were known to do here in America).

You can also read about it a bit more here, so go on be curious, click the link. What could it hurt?

And then lets all give a hand of applause to my sister for once again filling the minds of others with conspiracy theories. Maybe next week I'll spend a few hours writing about her theories on the government and health care systems to infuse us all with cancer.

A crazy week, a weird week, just a week....

I had an interview yesterday, and I think I got hired. Or at least the General Manager told me to come in on Saturday, though I am not sure if it is a temporary trial period, or what because the interview went very easy. I am so excited, and so nervous at the same time. It's been so long since I have done anything but pizza that It's going to be weird for me to learn all the nooks and crannies of a new place, I hope I do well. On a side note that darling man called me yesterday, and I hate to admit it but I did not recognize his voice. And how could that be considering it's tone haunts me in my dreams constantly? It was lovely to hear from him, though I have yet to return his call and let him know how my interview went. (Side note: as soon as the kid is gone and brother in law is off to work, return phone call) Got it.

And then tomorrow is my baby sister's birthday, wow. She is growing up so fast.

I hear the annoying voice of a toddler screaming my name, I'll be back...Tomorrow...

Great timming grandma!

We were watching the third Spiderman movie today, and when it came to the part near the end where Spidey's granny makes a visit to his shabby dig my friend got a little perturbed because apparently, "Grandmothers don't just drop in for a five minute visit, especially when they have to go all the way down town. It's not very believable."

It didn't occur to me till just now how ridiculous it is for her to be so concerned about the realistic nature of Grandma's visit when there is a man who can spin spider webs. Hello, did she not see that part or what?

Anyways, not but twenty minutes later someone buzzes up from the front door, and no joke, but it was my Grandma. She was just dropping by to say hi, stayed no more than five minutes. and yes, she traveled all the way from the boonies to the inner city to see me.

I bet she didn't see that one coming.