5/07/2008

Marshmallow....

I was sitting by the fire tonight, mesmerized by the flame, my mouth salivating with the thought of roasted marsh and mallow goodness, but my mind was salivating at the thought of my trip to St. Louis next week.

It will be the first trip I intend to take with my flight benefits at my new job. Why St. Louis? Because my good friend Rosie Posie is in St. Louis.

Hey, speaking of fire, and speaking of Rose... Let me tell you a story...

Rose and fire make a dangerous combination, especially if you happen to be standing below a window when Rose and fire decide to tango. Mostly, because Rose likes to throw things that have caught aflame out windows. I know for a fact she's done it with at least one toaster. One time she almost burnt a McDonald's down. Ok, that might me getting a bit drastic, she simply caught the change machine on fire and then threw it out of a window, at least I think she threw it out the window as it was on fire and she was next to a window. So what else would she have done with it?

Anyways, one time she took her long criminal career of fire starting to a whole new level when she tried to burn down my mother's house. Keep in mind that I said tried, because she has never successfully managed to burn something down, just start the fire. It's kind of like a hit man who only injures his targets, never takes them out. That is Rose. And how do I love her so...

Anyways, Rose, being the newly discovered woman she was, decided a nice hot oil treatment would do her beautiful locks a bit of good. So what did she do? First, like any good analytical person, she read the directions on the box of V05 hot oil treatment (Don't tell her I said this, but I think that was where she first went wrong, with the selection of oil, not the directions). Although, I fear she may have also read those directions terribly wrong, as they called for a hot towel to wrap around your head after the oil treatment is applied. Naturally, someone would assume that meant a moist wet towel, maybe one soaked in hot water. But not Rose. She took the directions as literally as they were written. So, she found one of my favorite purple towels and tossed it high and dry in the microwave for way too fucking long. When she pulled it out of the microwave it was so hot it was smoking. Apparently, smoke does not warrant a toss out of the window, but mearly walking it outside and setting upon a wooden chair on our wooden deck.

Now, I was never a girl scout, but I do happen to know the effect wind has on something smoking. Hmmmm...

Do you see where this is going? Yeah, that towel caught fire, burnt a hole right through the wooden bench and the deck, and then the ash ran havoc on my neighbors AC unit which then ran havoc throughout his house.

And when we came home and found no remnants of the towel, but a hole burnt through the deck, we didn't know what to make of it. Rose latter figured it out, though she was slow to the conclusion, teenagers...

I can't wait to see Rose next week, so we can't set the town on fire, figuratively of course.

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