If you have a heart you would just shoot me.

Every office has at least one of them, unfortunately, mine has two.

I'm talking about those annoying, giggly, sickening cute, and far too often dumb, gossip girls.

And gee, aren't I lucky they sit right behind me every day? If I want to know what they think about the hot guy they saw yesterday at the pool, their most recent yet failing weight loss efforts, or their secrets to always having a good hair day, then yes. But, if I'd like a little peace and quiet so I can sit here and do some work, then no.

Really, I don't care about any of those things. Here is an idea, maybe I'll go over there and introduce them to a lovely little device we have here in the office called instant messenger; then they can converse without forcing the rest of us to listen to it. My ears are sore from wearing head phones all day, I'd like to take them off but I don't really care to know about the newest nail polish color they bought at the mall.

Even when they talk intellectually I want to gouge out my ear drums.

"The Mayan calender says the world is going to end in the year 2012"

Oh really? When did it tell you that? Was it before or after you had one beer too many last weekend and woke up in that strangers bed? Did you ever stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, the calender ends in 2012, and then starts back at the beginning? Just because it's the end of the calendar does not mean it's the end of the world. Just like when you're at the end of the toilet paper roll. The world is not over, you just get a new roll and start from the beginning.

Right now, my happy place is a place in my mind where I can imagine pouring red paint on their new outfits they "bought yesterday at the mall. It's designer you know."

F.T. Casuals at the mall is not considered designer, I like to call those stripper clothes.

What? I'm just saying...

The worst part is, weather I like it or not, when I go home I will still know who their favorite American Idol contestants are. I seriously need a heavy dose of bourbon. Heck, just give me a bourbon I.V.