Hi Mom!

Sometimes, my mother really pisses me off, and it's because I love her and she knows I love her that I can say this. After she has a glass or two of wine she gets a bit mean, or cantankerous, if you will. When she gets in this mood it's best I not be around because she thinks up the rudest thing she can think of to say and out her mouth it comes because she thinks she is funny. But she is so not funny.

And when I let her know how unbearable it is to put up with her any longer she accuses me of being too sensitive, but if your mother asked you, "What are you taking advantage of this new guy you are dating for this time?" I hardly doubt you would find her amusing.

Aside from the obvious insinuation that I take advantage of people, asking your daughter something like that with a smirk on your face and a giggle in your tone is nothing short of cuntish (note, I'm not calling my mother cuntish, but the act itself).

I could hardly function when I heard such a nasty slur come out of her mouth, and she insisted she was just teasing, but for me that hit a bit too close to home. Maybe because it helped me realize how very little my own mother knows me. Or maybe, just maybe, because the last man I really liked was scared off by her drunken slurs and harsh accusations. But of course, she was just teasing then as well she said. But seriously, do you know that she told him I had an STD?

How in the hell is that funny?

And, no joking, I never saw him again. Thanks Mom, really. Can't you just let me mess up my relationships myself? I am more than qualified for the job.

Pfft... Like I would tell her if I had an STD. She would probably do the same thing she did when my sister got her first period, call EVERYONE including the local news. And people wonder where I got my big mouth from?

I guess the thing is, I just don't understand what goes on in my Mother's head after she has one or two glasses of wine. Is she bitter or angry about something? Did I once upon a time say or do something to her to deserve this? I know I'm a tad ornery at times, I may make fun of her shag mullet, but never would I say such vicious things.

Because mullets are funny, and STD's are not (except crabs, they are a little funny).

So I'm thinking next time my mother is sipping on her garbage juice I'll slip a Lunesta or two her way, that way she'll pass the fuck out and shut the hell up.

Sorry Mom, but I am told talking about the things that bother you is a good form of therapy, and sometimes you bother me when you drink, so I am going to talk about it. Aren't you glad you raised such a fine and reserved blogger? Love you...