Being the editor of the household...

My sister writes a lot of papers for her college courses and it's my job to check them for grammar and punctuation. This means I get a college education vicariously through her; do I get any credits for that? I'll take a masters, please...

Most of the papers she writes are boring, factual, and full of big words I don't understand; I doubt she understands them either. The simple fact is, I hate proofreading her work. The only reason I continue to do it is because some day, when she is on stage accepting her PHD, I can say, "If I hadn't changed that comma to a semi-colon in your paper about the speed of light you wouldn't be here today!"

Not to mention, proofreading is about the only thing I am useful for around here. I know, I know, you're probably thinking about that post last week where I used an improper junction. I'm only human, but I'm still the only human in my household who understands the difference between a noun and a verb.

But let me tell you about this paper. To put it bluntly, my sister is an idiot to have me proofread it. Hmmm, I am suddenly reminded of that time in high school when she did my math homework and I got an F; payback is way past due.

She was writing a paper on interpersonal communication, and for this paper she had to use a specific example of an interpersonal communication problem she has had. Now, for a woman who is married to a man who wears his (and this is a direct quote people) "shit eating grin" more than any other grin, you would think she could use a marital argument for the thesis of her paper. That was not the case at all. She blames that on the fact that she doesn't think her professor would appreciate a paper depicting conversations full of F bombs and references to their genitalia.

For the record, that is a paper I would love to read. If I were a professor I'd give it extra credit.

Instead, she wrote the damn thing on a little something I like to call "the war on dishes." Meaning, our kitchen is always a disaster, that, and no one likes doing the dishes. Of course, she writes herself as the innocent angle who is constantly scrubbing pans and licking peanut butter off the counter. My mother was described as a ranting lunatic who never appreciates her hard work. But lets not forget about me. She made me sound like that obnoxious teenage sister who is too busy tramping around and partying all night long to pick up after myself.

Not only did she exaggerate a dust devil of a situation to make it sound like a tornado of a disaster, but she also made up false evidence to support her argument. Now, isn't this why we all hate Bush?

I'm going to remember that when she is running for president...

For a moment I was seriously considering sabotage. It would have been so easy to change all the commas to colons, or add a few dirty words, and she never would have noticed.

But damn that conscious of mine! Why do I have to been such a good willed person? I blame it on my mother for giving me all those values.

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