To my ignorant co-worker,
Everyone knows you don't discuss politics at the office, you silly fool. It's inevitable that if you do you're likely to piss someone off, and this time that someone is me. Now you have forced me to go and do something terrible; you have forced me to write a rather embarrassing blog about your very misguided, uneducated, and flat out ignorant thoughts on the upcoming election. If I could remember your name I would post it here on this blog so I could hold you personally responsible for the things I heard come out of your mouth, if only we wore name tags.
"Hilary will never win the race, America is not ready to accept a woman as President."
Wait, what? You mean America isn't for a reformed health care plan that covers everyone? Do you mean to tell me that America would not like a President who will bring their troops home, or build an infrastructure to support a "greener" way of living and rewarding those who do? Do you really intend to tell me with a straight face that you do not think America can handle a President that will work towards obliterating the national debt? Hell, lets just have Bush stay another term while we are at it.
Either you are really dumb, or your parents didn't hug you enough as a kid.
And lets not forget your attacks on Obama when you said, "Obama can't be President. You know if he gets elected some redneck from the back woods would pop him off."
It's a good thing those rednecks from the back woods don't have Internet or I would be getting a lot of hate mail on your behalf; I bet Martin Luther King Jr. turned in his grave when you said that.
But of all the things you said, insisting there was no way the Democrats would win the oval office this term was the boldest of all. I think you are wrong. Every proton and neutron in my body can feel it. I can taste it, I can smell it in the air. Do you smell that? It's not BO, that is the smell of a Democratic term. Smells good doesn't it?
And I think the rest of America knows it as well. Any one with a brain knows having a Republican in office again is like opening your front door to find your ex-boyfriend standing there with a bad case of acne and about twenty pounds heavier than when you left him. He's wearing a dirty t-shirt and is holding a case of beer for him and a three dollar bottle of cheap wine for you. chances are he'll bother you for a back rub until you give in so he'll shut the hell up, and then once you're nice and drunk he'll say he slipped as he tries to mount you missionary and stick it in your ass. He promises to pull out but forgets, and in the morning he's long gone but his mess of beer cans still litter your living room. A week later you're at the clinic taking care of the clap he left you with, and praying to God you start your period soon.
But having a Democrat in office is like opening your front door to find a very handsome and wealthy prince charming holding a fresh bouquet of roses and ready to whisk you off in his limousine to drink champagne and eat caviar at a restaurant where they don't list the prices on the menu because the clientel don't care. Later on back at your place he'll give you a foot massage because your heels gave you cramps, and he was even considerate enough to bring ribbed for her pleasure condoms and a fresh bottle of warming lube for when things got a little crazy. When you wake up in the morning he'll still be there making you pancakes and doing the laundry while you stay in bed and watch C-span. a week later you'll be seriously considering marriage as he calls and whispers sweet nothings into your ear.
That one was for the ladies... Anyways...
Now, I don't know about you but I'll go for the guy with the roses and lube, and I think America will as well because we have already done the ex-boyfriend. We know he is nothing but a looser who is reduced to fucking fat chicks because these days they are the only ones who will have him. To give him another chance would be insanity, which is defined by doing the same thing over again while expecting different results. I think insanity is what happened last election when even my sister voted for Bush again. It was definitely one of those WTF?!?! moments for me, but I have faith it will not happen again. In fact, I have so much faith that America will make an educated and informed decision this year when they vote, meaning a Democratic vote, that I am willing to bet my right to blog on it. That's right, if a Republican wins the White House this next presidential election I will never blog again; not on Weenit, not on Myspace, not even in the privacy of my own mind.
So America, remember this year when you are standing in that tiny voting booth, to vote for a Republican is to vote for a world without Weenit. What kind of a world is that? I expect you will all vote responsibly, and if you don't intend to vote responsibly you probably just shouldn't vote. It's a lot like drinking and driving.
But I am not worried, because by January 20th, 2009 a Democrat will be in office, and order will be restored to the world. And then in the words of my mother I shall say to those of you who didn't vote responsibly, "Naner naner, mother-fucking poo poo!"
I may be too often sarcastic but I do sincerely believe everyone who votes should make an educated vote and only an educated vote. It's my personal opinion that an uneducated voter can do more damage than good, so check out this link to learn more about who is running, where they stand on the issues, what their backgrounds are. I also encourage you to make use of Google and get involved. Oh, and don't forget to save the date, vote or die!