What a douche...

So, I'm giving you guys direct from my Yahoo instant messenger a copy, cut, and paste of an unwelcome instant message conversation. Some of you may wonder why I didn't just close the message and move on, and Truth is I like to fuck with people online too. But it backfired, I fear I may end up with a stalker.

Note: My thoughts are in italic purple...

Ryanr787: Hi.

Ryanr787: 32 male Airline Pilot in Denver.

Weenit: And?

Ryanr787: You interested in some free airline tickets? I know where this is going...

Weenit: Which airline? What can I say, I'm a curious girl.

Ryanr787: American... Right, buddy, right. He's probably full of shit.

Ryanr787: They are good to anywhere in the world we fly. Ha ha, he wants to do me.

Weenit: And what is it that you expect of me? Let's see if he beats around the bush...

Ryanr787: I am new in town, just moved here 2 weeks ago. If I had a penny for every time I heard that.

Ryanr787: I am looking for a friend with benefits. At least he is honest...

Weenit: Moved here from where?

Ryanr787: Austin,TX

Weenit: And what do you look like? I bet he's an ugly fat fuck. All though, I know some sexy pilots.

Ryanr787: Do you have myspace?

Weenit: Yes.

Ryanr787: http://www.myspace.com/ryanr787

Ryanr787: do you have pics?

Weenit: Yes...

Weenit: But does that ever work for you?

Ryanr787: What?

Weenit: Telling girls you'll give them free airfare if they'll be your friends with benefits...

Ryanr787: Oh, I just thought of it...lol I almost never have extra airline tickets. I normally use them all. But cause of my move and stuff I haven't been able to go many places. Right buddy, I bet I'm like the tenth girl this night you've said this to.

Weenit: Do you even know what I look like? Do I have pictures on my Yahoo profile? What are these Yahoo profiles and how come I have never seen them?

Ryanr787: Figured if someone is looking for a friend with benefits cool....the airline tickets are just extra.

Ryanr787: I saw the one pic on yahoo. I wonder which pic that is?

Ryanr787: What's your mypace?

Weenit: Which one is on yahoo? That must be an old ass picture!

Ryanr787: You had a hat on I think.

Weenit: A Christmas hat?

Ryanr787: Yup...

Weenit: Ahhh.... Yep, old picture!

Weenit: http://www.myspace.com/tamysmemories What can I say? I like to show em' what they can't have.

: And when you go to my profile you'll see I have a boyfriend. That, and next month I will be working for the airlines too so I'll get plenty of my own free airline tickets. Leave me alone, I'm no longer entertained.

Ryanr787: Did you see mine? Yes, and damn you are ugly, what's up with that monster mouth?

Ryanr787: You're very beautiful! Gremlins are beautiful next to you.

Weenit: Thank you.

Ryanr787: So, you interested? Oh please...

Ryanr787: Anywhere you or some friends want to fly to...

Weenit: I'll be working for the airlines myself soon, that equals plenty of free fare, I don't have to sleep with a stranger for it. Should have stopped here, but what can I say? My mommy never taught me not to talk to strangers.

Ryanr787: What are you going to do at the airlines?

Weenit: Flight attendant. Contemplated telling him I was going to hijack one, but didn't in fear of prison.

Ryanr787: Oh cool.

Ryanr787: For who?

Weenit: Lynx

Ryanr787: Whats that?

Weenit: It's a sister company of Frontier.

Ryanr787: Like a regional?

Weenit: They are smaller.

Ryanr787: Yeah, but you only have flight benefits on them.....they don't go to Hawaii...or international places.

Weenit: They go to Cancun.

Weenit: That's good enough for me.

Ryanr787: Why don't you get on with United here in Denver or another major? Why don't you blow me?

Weenit: Because, this flight attendant thing is just a temporary gig for me anyways.

Weenit: So no i'm not interested in your offer, I don't think my bf would much appreciate it.

Ryanr787: Don't tell him.

Ryanr787: Then take him to Hawaii.

Ryanr787: Or Australia.

Weenit: Well that would be a little crooked wouldn't it?

Ryanr787: Depends on how you look at it...lol

Weenit: Not going to happen.

Ryanr787: OK...if you change your mind let me know. I would love for you to be on your knees begging for me to cum all over your face. Like I'd be the one begging.

Weenit: And I love to chain you to the guard rail off I-25 in your whitey tighties and teach you a thing or two about respect, but it's not going to happen.

Ryanr787: But you couldn't take my 9 inch cock, so your right, it wouldn't work. He wishes he had a 9inch cock.

Ryanr787: NOW THAT'S FUNNY!!!!! Your right, the idea of you having a 9incher is funny!

Ryanr787: I KNOW you are laughing your ass off!!!!!

Weenit: I am?

Ryanr787: Nighty night.

Ryanr787: See ya in the air sometime.

Weenit: God I hope not.

Ryanr787: I actually work for lynx, this will be interesting. What? You didn't even know who they were?

Weenit: Sure ya do.

Ryanr787: lol...you'll see. Oh, weird.

Ryanr787: When is your class date? Uhoh...

Weenit: none of your business, and it wont matter, you wont recognize me.

Ryanr787: Well I know your name. Shit, I didn't think about that!

Ryanr787: I'll just go ask Ruth. Double shit! He knows names, maybe he isn't a liar.

Ryanr787: She'll tell me when the next class is.

Ryanr787: I'll come say hi..but don't be mean. Can you say stalker?

Weenit: I don't know about that.

Ryanr787: Just think when you fly with me...you will have to call me Captain. And just imagine what I will call you under my breath!

Ryanr787: I cant wait for that. Yeah, someone needs a therapist, and for once it ain't me.

Weenit: You are a sick man.

Ryanr787: I am also the garbage man in town. What the?

Ryanr787: So I'll see you in the morning, when I am collecting crap from the street. Ummm...

Ryanr787: OK, I think I am a bit too drunk.

Ryanr787: I need some coffee.

Weenit: Yeah...

Ryanr787: This was fun..made my night. Really? You don't have anything better to do?

Weenit: Did it?

Ryanr787: I am amused easily.

Weenit: Obviously.

Ryanr787: I was locked up for 8 years and just got out....so anything makes me laugh. Once again, weirdo say what?

Ryanr787: Hey my girlfriend wants me...brb OK. Yeah right, like you have a girlfriend.

Ryanr787: I showed he your pics....she likes you. Your dog does not count as a girlfriend.

Ryanr787: Wants to know if you will come over.

Weenit: Why, so she doesn't have to put up with you?

Ryanr787: No, so you can join the orgy tonight. Right, did you offer them free trips as well?

Ryanr787: We have 5 so far.

Weenit: If I did that I'd have to abandon the mad orgy we are having over here.

Ryanr787: your just saying that cause I did...

Weenit: Am I?

Ryanr787: Besides, we have more people.

Ryanr787: Funner time here.

Weenit: No thanks.


Historical Wit said...

Careful, he sounds like a legit stalker. Did you know there are more than 300 serial killers at large in the country? This guy fits the bill. Careful.

Historical Wit said...

Ok, the FBI says at any given time there are 35 active serial killers on the loose in the US. There are other estimates that there are up to 500 serial killers on the loose.

Weenit said...

Oh, scary...