Once a mother in law, always a mother in law...

There is a special place in my heart, it's cold and damp and dark. this is the place I keep my love for Josie. Josie is my ex-husband's mother. My ex-husband, being the responsible twenty eight year old adult that he is, still lives with his mommy.

Seriously Ken, it's time you cut the damn umbilical cord. You are too old to have your mommy wash your undies.

In all honesty, I don't give a damn if my ex-husband spends the rest of his life under the umbrella of his mother, but I do have a problem with his mother thinking she is my son's mother, instead of me. I distinctly remember the kid pushing his way out of my vagina, not hers. This gives me final say.

So why is it that every other week that woman calls me to question my parenting skills? Just this week she called to ask if anything had happened to my son at my house because in the last two weeks he has not wanted to come visit me. It was very hard for me not to tell her to shove it and hang up the phone.

For as great a caregiver as this woman claims to be, I have to wonder why she doesn't get that maybe my son would rather stay with her because she lets him get away with murder. That, and they have the more expensive toys. It's so true what they say about buying your kid's love.

Just think about it. Wouldn't you rather stay at grandmas house, where they submit to your every fancy, where the living room is full of expensive toys, where they wipe your ass for you? Or would you rather go to mom's house, where you have to pick up after yourself, eat what the rest of the family is eating for dinner, and God forbid, wipe your own ass?

Some day, when he grows up and knows how to wash his own laundry, he'll thank me. Because, unlike my ex-husband, when my son is in my care I am the one caring for him. I don't pawn him off on my mother while I play my flight simulator and read car magazines. I don't distract him with television so I can Google the web for my next get rich quick scheme. I am by his side smothering him with my love and attention. I'm the one who gives him time out, teaches him how to brush his teeth and bathe with soap, and I do it all because I love him.

There are few people in this world that I have loved as much as my son, so when someone insinuates that I would allow anyone to hurt my child, it really pisses me off. I do everything in my power to make sure my son is safe and healthy and happy. And if anyone ever so much as thought to do wrong to him I'd have to break every bone in their body with a sledge hammer.

No, that was not sarcasm, as I have recently purchased a sledge hammer. I keep it next to my bed.

So, to my nosy and pushy ex-mother in law, I have many things to say. But mostly, I'd just like to tell her to shove it up her ass.