What have I agreed to?

When you say goodbye to somebody you love, when you help them pack their things, and hold all your feelings inside as your last moment together is nothing as grand as it should be, and because you can't say three silly words you get a hug and not a kiss, you get a goodbye instead of an "I love you", it can take years to recover.

But it's not been years, only the better part of a year. Since then I've done a world of soul searching, and with the struggle of my life accepted that he was never coming back, and we would never have each other. But none of that means my feelings for him are gone. I still feel the same way I did about him today as I did a year ago, and I fear I always will. But I've come to accept our fate, with out that piece of mind I'd not be able to survive the days.

But because of this experience I've become a bit introverted. I'd rather not let another man in and give the opportunity to undo any of the intricate mending I've managed to devise. Sure, I've dated a bit but each time I knew I wasn't quite ready because he was always in the back of my mind reminding me how hard of an act he is to follow. So after a bit I just stopped, and reserved myself as a young woman destined to carry out her days alone and eventually die that way. Considering the headache men can be, I considered solitude the better of the two. But if you should ask my brother in law he would tell you other wise, as recently he's entertained the idea that I would be well suited for one of his co-workers. Every other night he calls to say he knows a guy who wants to take me out, and every time I've been reluctant to agree. This time, he didn't even give me the option. He just told the young man I had already agreed, before I was ever aware I was propositioned. At first I put up a bit of a fuss and insisted he tell his friend I had changed my mind but he refused, so I being the weaker of the two caved because what could one little date hurt? It's just dinner, and a double date none the less with Dan and my sister so I am on safe ground. But what if I do come to like this guy, I don't know that I feel ready to dive back into the world of dating. I have grown so comfortable with my single hood and the simplicity in not dating that I am not sure I am ready to abandon it. Well see I suppose.

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