I have a few New Year resolutions, like loosing ten pounds, teaching my dog a few new tricks, and learning what a Haiku is. The one thing I did not expect was to start the new year by loosing an organ, that's right, I am down an appendix (which does not weight anything close to ten pounds). And you want to know what the worst part is? After they did the surgery and took out my appendix they discovered it was just fine and my pain was caused by an inflamed fallopian tube which they fixed with some antibiotics and a few heavy doses of Vicodin. Needles to say I will not be going to a concert, instead I will be sitting at home probably with my lonely mother drinking hot cocoa since alcohol is out of the question, and reading a novel.
At least it's not as bad as last year's New Year's Eve where I spent the whole night at a house so full of dog dandruff I thought I might pass out from the severe asthma attack gripping my lungs. My only escape was when my at the time boyfriend Christopher invited his friend to the party where she proceeded to drink too much and started throwing up. The problem was Christopher was not very empathetic to others, so he didn't care that I couldn't breathe, in fact, he told me I was faking it. Trust me, I was in too much pain to fake it. He also did not seem to care that his friend was throwing up all over this couple's house. So when the clock struck midnight I was cleaning some strange girls vomit off a toilet, mirror, floor, door knob, and counter. Then I picked this girl up off the floor, drove her to Christopher's house, changed her clothes, and threw the dirty ones in the washer. By that point I was so pissed off at Christopher for being so heartless and caring only about his fun to notice I was suffering and so was she that I got back in my car and drove two hours home in weather conditions that were less than ideal.
The new years before that I spent the whole night waiting for my date to show up to a party I threw, but when he didn't I got drunk and passed out. He did eventually show only to find me face down with drool tracing across my brothers pillow.
The three years before that I spent New Years Eve with my ex-husband, who is quite possibly the most bland person that ever existed in this world. I am pretty sure we were both in bed before midnight every year except the first when we took the light rail down town to an event that was closed down (it was snowing and I wore heals and a skirt). We ended up watching Serendipity at the theater, good movie, but I was far too sober when the clock hit twelve.
Looking to the bright side of things, since that is what I am so good at, at least I can smile knowing this year my shitty New Year's Eve is NOT cause my some dick wad of a man; I can blame it on my fallopian tube. Damn fallopian tube, I never liked that thing much any ways. And though I may have to be sober and alone, missing what will probably be one awesome concert, I still have a fresh bottle of Vicodin to keep me happy. God bless narcotics and their ability to make everything OK. Now I just have to work out that whole midnight kiss thing, too bad my puppy is at my aunts house, or that one would be covered. Do you suppose it's possible to kiss your self? Well, if it is I'm sure gonna figure it out tonight. And even though my fallopian tube has ruined all my fun it sure will give you some. As soon as I figure out how to use this damn scanner I plan to post pictures taken by the surgeons of it and other bits of my insides with their laproscope. You never thought you would get such an intimate look of me did you?