The little things...

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. - Robert Brault

Lord of War

I watched Lord of War tonight with Nicholas Cage and it left me feeling so empty. The character Nicholas Cage plays gets away with a ton of shit, but in my mind he looses everything. He looses his wife, his son, his brother, his entire family, for a fortune. I could never live with myself if I was him. Maybe that is because the people in my life are far more important to me than the amount of digits in my bank account. I can't imagine sacrificing everyone I love and hold dear to me to have a fortune. I would, however, sacrifice a fortune to keep those I love near me.

My mind...

Sometimes my thoughts feel so disconnected from my mind that I can't even reach out and grasp them. I can't touch them, I can't see them, I can't understand them. When will they come back down to earth so I can finally feel grounded?

All work no play...

Things were a bit crazy here at work but then the whole universe must have lied down and taken a nap because there is nothing to do. My phone is dead. I have been eying my cold oatmeal, but at a time like this (where I actually have down time at work) how could I possibly eat? Anyways, I can tell some of my co-workers get just as bored as I do because I receive silly emails containing useless yet interesting information. Here is what I have learned:

1) In Texas it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.

2) More than 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.

3) The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

4) Near Miss Day commemorates the day a huge Asteroid nearly missed hitting the earth. On March 23, 1989, an asteroid the size of a mountain, came within 500,000 miles of a collision with Earth. In interstellar terms, it was a near miss. Had it collided with the Earth, It would have left a devastating crater the size of Washington, D.C. It's affect on the planet would have been catastrophic.

5) Liquid TIDE laundry detergent glows under a blacklight.

6) The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado!

7) 55.2% of us will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet.

8) More than 6,000 people with pillow-related injuries check into U.S. emergency rooms every year!

9) You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.

10) Dr. Seuss coined the word nerd.

Help on isle four please!

Does anybody know what a scuba driver is or where I can find one? My son keeps asking me for one but for the life of me I can't find a scuba driver anywhere!

And then he fead me a steaming pile of shit...

You say you were at a bar with a girl I have never heard of before, a girl that lives up north, she is obviously a new girl. Then you tell me because you were at the bar with this new girl you couldn't go talk to that little hottie you noticed across the way. You swear you two are friends, so why would it matter if you talked to another girl? Don't give me that bullshit, your meeting with this new girl was a little more than friendly, just admit it. I know you, and I know you well. If you were just hanging out as friends you would not have had any problem saying hello to the pretty girl. I also can't imagine that you would drive all the way up north to be the sober one at the bar, then drive back, just for a friend. It may hurt, but our relationship is over and you moving on is something I have to handle. Just don't drunk dial me while your dating other girls, I'm not a toy.

A quick inspirational quote:

"To the world you may be just one person, but to just one person you may be the world."

My mother and tools go together like milk and cookies...

This is what happens when my mom gets bored of her boyfriend...


Mural

She builds something! This is the new shower she built into the basement, she drew, cut, and glued the design together using Swanstone. It's weird to think that same spot where I used to sit in my purple bean bag and play Sega Genesis all summer long as a kid is now converted into a shower where my sister and her husband will have lots of sex. Ewww!

April fools is coming!

April fools is one of my favorite holidays. In fact, it's my entire family's favorite holiday! This year I plan to get them all real good, and they wont see it coming. So, I was taking a shower this morning when I looked up and noticed a spider perched on the ceiling right above me. It was creepy! Then I though what a great Ideal to get a fake spider, a really big one that looks like a tarantula, and stick it to the ceiling in my sisters shower! I also plan to stick rotten eggs in my other sisters car while she is at work, change around the names and numbers in my brother in law's cell phone, but I can't think of anything exceptional to do to my mother. Have suggestions?

My heart melted...

When I heard these words, "I think you're beautiful. I think you're beautiful in every sense of the word."

Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. You stole the words from my lips.

Parents can be so cruel...

My father thought he was being real cute when he named me Tamy Nichole Thomason just so I would have the initials T.N.T. It's not so bad I suppose, except that I am the youngest Tamy I have ever meet. At least he did not name me Tamra or Tamira. In fact, my name seems heaven sent compared to some names out there, my all time favorite I heard yesterday at work. When I read her name I almost died of laughter and couldn't help but wonder why her parents hated her so much. Her name was Loven Seamen. I can't imagine what middle and high school was like for her. Personally, I am willing to bet she is the biggest dyke lesbian there ever was and she is not actually Loven Seamen. Another great one I once saw was Hung Long, I felt dirty saying it, but the rest of my coworkers had a good time with it.

Right when I want to be wrong, wrong when I want to be right.

The irony of it makes me sick. Can you imagine finding everything you swear to be true wrong? And when you want nothing more than to be wrong you're right? That is the kind of luck I have. Let me give a little history. Last summer I went to meet my friend Justin for some delicious sushi in Denver. I got to pick the place so I decided on Akebono. Next thing I knew Justin and I were standing in front of a locked door staring into a very empty, almost ghost town like, restaurant. Akebono had closed up shop and I had no ideal. The kicker was when Justin said the place was probably closed and I said, "No, I was just there a few months ago." He still gives me shit for that, but only because a little while ago we went with some friends to dinner and once again he let me pick the place. He warned that I better pick a place that is actually open. I decided Donkey Den sounded nice. We got there and it was open but when we sat down and asked for menus the waitress informed us they no longer served food and had converted to a bar! I wanted to die. Once again I was wrong, much like the time I was only joking about the old guy having a heart attack on his 90th birthday day.Today I discovered that I am once again wrong. I had a job interview at a warehouse in Denver. My friend Mike told me to go online to mapquest and get directions; I told him it was not necessary because I had my own personal directory called mom and she knows where everything is. I was wrong; I was also almost late to my interview. Thank god I gave myself an ungodly amount of time to get there! I feel like I aced the interview and think I have the job. I should hear back from them soon. I just hope I am not wrong on this one as well.

The first official Weenit.com post!

For my first official Weenit post I was trying to think up something amazing and memorable. I never knew amazing AND memorable could be such hard thinking. Suddenly the answer came to me in the form of a text message conversation with my ex-boyfriend who, appropriately, gave me the nickname Weenit. I thought I would share it with all my readers because discretion is not something I understand.

Here is a copy of our conversation (the spell checked version):

Chris says:
Do you want me to write something?

Tamy Thomason says:
No, it’s my blog. I must write it, are you saying I can not write something amazing?

Chris says:
"Hi, my name is Tamy - some people call me the Weenit - what is a Weenit, you ask? Well, it's me and if you want to find out more about the Weenit, keep checking back to this page"

Chris says:
See, amazing

Tamy Thomason says:
lol

Chris says:
My mom always said I should be a writer!

Tamy Thomason says:
Umm, its too simple, it must be more complex for my intricate readers.

Chris says:
You mean all the ones with out a college education? Let me see if I can do it.

Chris says:
'Me Tamy - me Weenit - you read page - cool'

Tamy Thomason says:
Hey don’t be rude, I have a vide variety of readers!

Chris says:
'Ps - we drink now'

Tamy Thomason says:
Why are you insulting me?

Chris says:
I wasn't insulting you, I was making fun of the readers!

Chris says:
Don't be mad Weens, Kisses!

Tamy Thomason says:
No, I am mad! Just for that I will use it as my first post.

So there you have it! The first official Weenit.com post. And in defense of my readers I would like to give Christopher wankignition (the act of recognizing someone as a wanker). I stole that from this site.

Many of you probably wandered to my new site from my old site. Any of you who Google’d your way here can go here to see my old site and a ton of archives (that is if you have not found me completely annoying, or have nothing better to do, or maybe both).